| Up until my late 20s, I always assumed my testimony would just keep getting stronger and stronger as I grew more and more certain. Instead I experienced just the opposite- the older I grew, the less and less I knew for certain. We’ve been taught that life and growth should be linear – that we should always be progressing. Always becoming stronger, better, smarter, more certain. But the pattern of growth is often not linear. It is cyclical. As always, nature is our best teacher. There is no tree that keeps growing unendingly bigger and taller. Summer doesn’t just keep getting warmer forever. Day doesn’t stretch on into infinity. Nature is cyclical. Birth turns to death turns to rebirth. Summer becomes winter becomes summer. Day turns to night turns to day. …………… My faith crisis has been a great wintering of my beliefs. I thought they should stay warm and certain, but they turned cold and withered. I thought there was something wrong with me that I seemed to be shedding my beliefs like layers of skin. Who even was this new person? Would I ever grow new skin? Some of the leaves of my beliefs were ripped off violently in a winter storm, some effortlessly drifted away on the breath a breeze. Either way, their absence left me feeling naked and exposed. I scarcely recognized myself unclothed from the certainties I had always flaunted. At times I thought the winter would never end. It was so dark and cold. And so very uncomfortable. …………….. If you find yourself in your own great wintering of your beliefs, it might prove helpful to take some direction from the trees who have long mastered the art of wintering. When winter comes, trees go through something called dormancy in order to survive the harsh temperatures. Dormancy is like hibernation in that everything within the plant slows down. It’s metabolism focuses on energy conservation instead of energy distribution. It stops dividing its cells. It soaks in water and nutrients from its roots and marinates in them. The feeding of its leaves requires too much food and water in the winter, so the tree sends a chemical to where the stem meets the branch, so when it’s time for the leaf to blow away, the tree is not ripped apart. The tree does not die. The tree forms a scab where the stem detaches. It heals. These fallen leaves are not useless. They weren’t for nothing. Even in their death, the nutrients in these fallen leaves fertilize the soil, making it rich and ripe for new growth. And while a tree can look dead in the winter, they are very much alive. Even in the dead of winter, buds are already growing beneath the surface. While invisible to the outside eye, new growth is bubbling inside, just waiting for its time to bloom. ……………. If you find yourself in the middle of your own winter, it’s ok to let yourself rest. It’s ok to not give your nutrients to old beliefs, relationships, habits or activities that drain you. It’s ok to let this be a time of energy conservation and nourishment instead of giving and growth. It’s ok to let the wind take your old leaves where it will. They were not for nothing. They provided greenery and oxygen in their season. Their nutrients will always be a part of your soil. A part of you. Their loss might feel like a death. It might appear to lookers-on as if you are a completely different organism.The exposing of your naked branches to the world at times may feel like too much exposure. But take heart, buds of new life are birthing just underneath the surface. Spring will come again and with it new beliefs, new relationships, and new life. The sun will shine again. Warmth, nourishment, leaves, oxygen, chlorophyll – it will all bloom again. …………. On an “ask a tree expert” thread online, someone asked if it’s possible to prevent a tree’s dormancy and shedding. They wondered if they brought the tree inside and provided stable light and warmth if the tree would retain its leaves. The expert replied that would work, but doing so would be detrimental for the health of the tree long term. Robbing nature of its natural course would drastically shorten the tree’s life span and make it more susceptible to illness. While it may look like death, dormancy and shedding is natural and healthy for a tree’s flourishing. …………. The sight of trees losing their leaves used to sadden me. I used to dread the day when they would stand barren. I wished I could fast forward through the winter to the spring when everything was lush and green. But I’ve had a change of heart towards winter. I now see it as a time of great rest and rejuvenation, of solitude and nourishment. The bare winter trees stand before me as sentinels of beauty and resiliency. ………….. Rest up dear trees. Let your leaves blow where they will. Don’t hide. Don’t shrink. Stand tall. Expose your naked branches to the world without apology. Spring is right around the corner, but for now, let’s trust in the magic of winter. |
Wintering
